December 24th, 2007

To help get all of you in the Christmas spirit, here’s a charming little Santa-themed drawing I made a long time ago:

I was 5 at the time…


It would seem from his expression that Santa is quite surprised. It is possible that he was simply caught mid-”HO” (a similar fate had by many, I imagine) - but it is more likely his surprise is due to either the overwhelming presence of the exceptionally large and misaligned “Y” in “mERRY” or because the “AS” in “CHRISTMAS” is inexplicably cut out and taped to his chin:

Poor santa...

And why exactly did my undoubtedly-well-intentioned-5-year-old-self choose to do such an unusual thing?…

1. Did I accidentally put one too many S’s at the end of “CHRISTMAS”, resulting in an unsightly “ASS” that absolutely had to be covered up? Probably not, I could have just cut the extra “S” off. And at that age I was probably more interested in “ASS” uncovering than anything else.

2. Did I fuck up the “AS” so bad that I simply couldn’t bear to see it, and I just had to fix it in whatever slightly less unsightly way I could? Considering how hideous that “Y” is, and yet it remains - in full glory - for all the world to see, I doubt that’s it.

3. Did I consider Santa a sadistic old bastard that had to be punished in whatever way possible - by making an effigy of him only to deface it by binding it with not one but FOUR pieces of scotch tape - damn, that jolly fucker is gonna pay!!!? Uh, no… whatever would give you that idea?

So what then?

Well, I mustered up the courage and I took a look for myself, by peeking under the flap.

I peeled it back…



only to find…





*slaps forehead*

Yes, underneath the new “AS” was the original “AS” - perfectly, wonderfully aligned with “CHRISTM”, and mind-bogglingly covered up with another “AS”, and four pieces of tape.

“That new-and-improved “AS” isn’t going ANYWHERE now!” I probably thought.

Of course, this only prompted more questions:

Did I think the previous “AS” was *too* good? Did it not fit with the craptastic nature of the rest of the piece? Was I afraid the last two letters would get lost over time only to leave a lonely “CHRISTM” forever pining for its lost brethren - so I brought in backup? Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking?

I guess I will never truly know what prompted me to do such a thing two decades ago. Perhaps 22 more years from now I will not know why I decided to devote this much time to figuring it out.

Then again, by then I might start to wonder where the extra “HO” went…

HO well.



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3 comments for “HOHO MERRY CHRISTMAS”

  1. Who knows what goes on in the mind of a child, especially one as warped and twisted as you!

  2. Gee, thanks Mom.

  3. I can’t imagine why somebody with such obvious natural artistic talent ended up as an engineer :)

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